the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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