Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
