Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the condom got lost in my hair
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
