I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
