Im at strip club and am horny
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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