Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
