Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
