I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
