I murdered the dance floor call the cops
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
