Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
