nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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