I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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