he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
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I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
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I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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