If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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