Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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