Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
