At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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