it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
ttyl tear gas
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Randomize
