my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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