So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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