I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
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I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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