It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
