Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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