Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
