Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
