Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
