I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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