THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
