I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
