She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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