operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
