We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
