We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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