you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
