smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
