I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
