There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
operation harelip BJ is a go
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
