I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
