Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Boobs speak an international language.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
