my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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