Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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