Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
