even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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