All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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