i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
