Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize