I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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