I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
