How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
