Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
