put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
