At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
