How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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