It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
