Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
