What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
