hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
