he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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