I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
