Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize