I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
