Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize