we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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