Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
