Screwed.edu
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
