Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
