Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize
