i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
How's work?
Spinning.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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