Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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