Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
