I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
