If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
