Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i drank out of a bidet.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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