Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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