please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
