Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
