dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
