Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
