I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
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Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
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Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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