Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
